The Exquisite Arc

Somatic Futures at the edge of elsewhere

“I stood at the border, stood at the edge and claimed it as central. l claimed it as central, and let the rest of the world move over to where I was.” - Toni Morrison

Hello friends,

Happy New Year! It's been quite a long time since I've written here. It has not been due to a loss of things to say, but more of allowing myself space & time to let things grow in the dark for a while before scratching them with words & ideas. As a friend of mine once said, "Sometimes you gotta go through shit" - hopefully, the soil is richer for it :) In my case, it is. There's a rare sweetness in coming undone from one's habitual ways of seeing, feeling, and being in the world.

This past summer felt like this for me - a hard peeling away to a softer layer of what moves me and what drives me to stay engaged with Somatic Futures as I do. Perhaps it was the unexpected health issue, death of my uncle, and overall feeling of being stuck that sparked this inner movement to go deeper in. As much as I love getting lost (sometimes), it's not an easy path - zig-zagging to and fro along the edges of what feels good, scary, and sometimes both. And yet, there's something wonderfully jolting about peering back into all the familiar "suchness" of my life from a new angle - of course, with warm regard and a few sprinkles of compassion. 

Heading into the Fall, I was inspired to pivot in another direction. With a feverish pitch, I iterated on many new versions of the Somatic Futures definition. In my gut, I understood what I was trying to convey, but I realized something wasn't sticking with me when reading the different versions. While I had the contours sketched out of what I mean by "Somatic Futures," the somatic thread within my perspective felt too faint and minimized - like an afterthought rather than the heartbeat of it all. I needed a paradigm shift to thrust me deeper into my own body stories about what was happening - or needed to happen.

So, on November 6th, I awoke to the news of who won the US election (not happy about that), it was my 54th birthday and I had two classes back to back to attend in NYC that were provided by Movement Research - a laboratory for the investigation of dance and movement-based forms. The classes were:

• Feldenkrais Method - ATM (Awareness through Movement)

• Alexander Technique & Improvisation - Letting the dance, dance you

And recently, on December 29th, I attended a workshop provided by the Butoh Institute of New York:

• Butoh Workshop - Last Butoh class of the year with Vangeline

I only had a cursory understanding about these somatic practices. Suffice to say, I was hungry to dive in and experience something new and unexpected. I was ready to be moved.

Turning Towards

As I lay on the yoga mat, staring at the ceiling, I reflected on all the variations of the Somatic Futures definition I explored. Although there were moments of “I’ve got it!” I’m wiser to my flow and accept the glad tidings of shifts and nudges of meaning as they come.

“Slowly turn towards your right side, lead with your shoulder, and notice what is happening,” the Feldenkrais teacher gently said. “Feel your weight sink into the floor, notice what your hips are doing…notice the position of your head..” While a kaleidoscope of thoughts arose for me during these moments, my attention eventually settled into the awareness of my sensations & movements. Every little twitch and pulsation felt like music from a chorus I hadn’t been listening to enough. There was a special quiet here in these tender rollings. A newfound stillness in moving that I realized I had been longing to discover and surrender to.

The class lasted 1.5 hours. It was deliciously slow and deliberate. I likened the experience to doing Tai Chi on the floor, except there was no intention to conform to a particular shape or technique. The movements were not prescribed in advance—the facilitator was offering a series of gentle invitations to move, notice, and be with. 

When the class ended, I felt I had traveled multiple worlds on the inside—all within the few inches of space I was moving in. The slow epiphanies that arose during the class were akin to my healing experiences via Somatic Experiencing. The way a subtle gesture or movement could reveal something, a glistening insight, continues to fascinate me.

Be Lightness

Thankfully, the Alexander Technique class was in the same room as the Feldenkrais class - just enough time to drink water and chill for a minute. As the participants gathered in the room, the teacher asked us to sit in a circle, “Tell us where you’re from and why you are here.” I grew fascinated by the stories of other people. There was an eclectic mix of shapes, sizes, colors, genders, etc., and a rich diversity of backgrounds: martial arts, ballet, yoga, pilates, dance, reiki, animal flow, sports, fitness, etc.

It soon dawned on me that the common thread between us all was that we were all “movers.” I realized in that moment that I hadn’t, categorically, ever referred to myself in this way. I suddenly had a new appreciation for my history as a “mover.” I unexpectedly felt at home in that circle. It was warm and familiar - like finding a tribe I belonged to but never knew.

“Hi, my name is Rodney—today’s my birthday.” (Yes, I welcomed all the ‘Happy Birthday Rodney!’ in return. :) “My background in movement is Sports (football, baseball, basketball), martial arts (a plethora of different styles), Ashtanga Yoga, Abstract Painting, Fitness, and Somatic Experiencing. I’m here out of curiosity and working on a special project called Somatic Futures.”

“Hmm..what is Somatic Futures?” the teacher asked. And at that moment, I felt like a spotlight was shining on me. Should I repeat the whole SF definition I had been playing with? Should I deflect the question? Should I say a piece of the definition? Was I ready to share it yet? Is it done enough? I sat silently for a few seconds, bedazzled by this swirl of questions. And without further delay, it just poured out:

“Somatic Futures explores how our body shapes - and is shaped by - the futures we dare to imagine.”

I took a deep breath and did a quick body scan to see how that felt. It was good—effortless, smooth, and straightforward. I realized I had shared a part of the definition I was playing, but when saying it aloud in this way, I knew this was the heart of it—simple, clear, and direct. (Note: there is more to the definition, which I will share at a later time.)

"Oooh.. that's interesting", a few people said. I was relieved - they got it, or at least they got it enough to get curious and follow up with additional questions later. Next up in the circle was Marianna's turn to share why she had joined the class. She looked at the teacher first and then turned towards me, "Before I go, I just want to say that what you just shared, Rodney, about Somatic Futures, is so fascinating to me and feels so right to me on the inside." I was blown away and humbled all at once by her words and how her whole being lit up when sharing that. I felt further validated in the direction I was pursuing with Somatic Futures.

The class continued with improvisational movements while walking, and the teacher shared about the Alexander Technique's perspective on the body and its methodology. I was particularly interested in striving to experience "buoyancy" when considering the alignment of one's head and spine. We did a standing from a seated position type exercise to help us experience this - it was fascinating.

Over time, we moved to doing floor work. The teacher instructed, "Find the floor, get curious, and do what feels good to you." This was the only instruction. I watched as other participants slowly made their way to the floor and began improvising their movements. The teacher said, "Allow yourself to be surprised," as if anticipating any rigidness we might impose on ourselves.

As I moved on the floor, I oscillated between familiar ways of moving (i.e., martial arts styles, yoga, etc.) and unfamiliar, unintended movements. The latter felt more like allowing than any doing. A soft feeling of "flow" had arisen from time to time - not too dissimilar from being in the zone in other disciplines. But the difference here was there was no intended outcome or purpose for my movements. Part of why I've fallen in love with somatics is just moving for the experience of moving and deepening our awareness of what arises.

The class ended with each of us picking another participant and sharing our experiences one-on-one. I was grateful for the experience—there was so much to glean from that class and the people involved. Perhaps I'll circle back and write more in-depth about my experiences, especially thoughts on the Alexander Technique perspective.

Find Your Power

My experience with the Feldenkrais and Alexander Technique classes was transformative. I had discovered the hidden ingredients to how I wanted to take Somatic Futures deeper. It didn't hit me all at once. Several weeks of reflecting, experimenting, and playing allowed me to reach a simplified perspective and framework for SF. During this time, I also got clarity about the audience I'm interested in working with—more on that in a later post.

Suffice it to say, I was clear in my heart about the direction I'm pursuing with Somatic Futures. I had everything I needed to manifest in a bigger way…right? Well, that's what I thought and felt, at least. And then, a couple of weeks ago, I stumbled upon an article about Butoh (the Japanese Avant-garde dance/art form). My wife and I had seen a Butoh performance in Brooklyn, NY, about 10 years ago, so I was familiar with it enough to appreciate it.

Something about the article made me wonder, "Are there any Butoh classes or workshops in NYC?" I researched and discovered the Butoh Institute of New York and the last workshop of the year was on Sunday night, Dec 29th, in Soho. Initially, I was hesitant - Do I want to head into NYC at night on a Sunday? Not really. But something about the idea was challenging me in a good way. Butoh is so "out there" - you have to see it live to know what I mean by that. But the performance is also so powerful in its directness and presence. I was unsure what to do, so I threw it in the back of my so-called mind and waited. If there were enough energy behind the idea, my body would let me know :)

After about a 1 week, I revisited the idea and felt my curiosity grow. I read another article and wanted to learn more about how Butoh works with movement & imagination. Feldenkrais, Alexander Technique, Strategic Foresight, and Somatic Experiencing all have different perspectives on the use of imagination and its efficacy for the intent of each discipline. Butoh is a different animal in this regard, so to speak. I had read something about Butoh being not so much interested in mimicking suggested imaginings but allowing the energy of an image inside to move one spontaneously. Once I read that, I was locked in.

Upon registering for the workshop, I unexpectedly experienced two profound feelings

1. a feeling of fullness, like something inside me clicked - this was right to do.

2. a feeling of profound aloneness that I felt when my mother died back in 2013.

I was shocked by the latter. How was signing up for a Butoh workshop a trigger for that? I didn't see any connection. It's interesting to note that Butoh is called the "Dance of Darkness" (i., darkness here means what is unconscious or hidden from our awareness). But before the workshop, I didn't know this. Interesting too, that between the time I registered for the workshop to until I actually went, I had never had so many nights in a row of dreaming about my mother. It was intense at times and confusing. And yet, I trusted my body was offering a deeper way into something.

So, what was my experience of the Butoh workshop? I'm still struggling to find the words - it's only been 2 days since the workshop. It was intense, raw, beautiful, and cleansing. It was beyond anything that I was expecting. There was no explanation of anything - we were invited to dive right in. Moving in unfamiliar ways repeatedly with an intensity that mirrored some of my experiences in martial arts. However, the facilitation by Vangeline, the Butoh teacher and institute founder, fascinated me the most.

Hearing "Trust your body," "What templates of movement have we been conditioned into?", What new ways of entering the space can you create?", "Imagine every cell in your body is a star shining forth," Find your power!" etc. continually invited and challenged me in ways I hadn't experienced before. This kind of work and alchemy of movement, music, lighting, and words was new to me. It broke me open in beautiful and strange ways - especially when I experienced that aloneness I mentioned during the workshop—deep healing, to say the least.

Apologies for not going deeper about my experience here - I'm still integrating the experience. Even what little I've said doesn't capture it. And yet it just reaffirms a quote I read in Vangeline's book, "Butoh: Cradling Empty Space" - "Butoh needs to be experienced to be understood." On that note, I'll write a separate Substack post on my Butoh experience and insights I've gleaned so far - especially how & what it inspires for my work on Somatic Futures.

I'm so grateful for the Butoh workshop experience. It was the unexpected hidden 3rd gem in this exquisite arc of trusting and deepening in my body and this work of Somatic Futures. I found the heartbeat of Somatic Futures and the pulse is now strong.

What’s next?

So much to share with you all. I will be spending all of this coming January to work on and then launch Somatic Futures officially. What does “launch” mean specifically you may ask? - well, just stay along for the ride and see :) - it was nice to hear thunder out of the blue outside as I just wrote that :)

Thank you for your gaze!

Happy New Year to you and your loved ones!

Stay as you go,

Rodney